Lending a hand to make someone feel cared for.

There was a cement truck driver who was crushed by an overpass in Coquitlam a few years back. The story still haunts me. I heard that someone came to try and help but couldn't do much of anything. The driver reached his hand out of the cab and the stranger held it, while the truck driver passed away.

Joe Simpson wrote Touching the Void. The book is an account of one of his epic mt. climbing stories. Joe crawls out of a crevasse and for days makes his way back to base camp on all fours. He writes about wanting to die with someone close, someone holding his hand.

Going through cancer one needs someone to care for them. The spouse is too busy worrying about cancer and the future. Woman to woman is such a powerful tool.

My hairdresser, yes I got my hair cut again, cared for me last week and "held my hand". It feels like a steaming hot chocolate on a frosty winter day.

My friend continues to note my chemo days and always extends her hand whenever I need it.

Have I Changed?

Now that I am back to doing what I was doing before being diagnosed with cancer, I wonder if cancer has changed me. I think it has.
It wasn't too long ago that a child was pushing my frustration buttons and in my mind I thought, "I've gone through cancer, how do I handle this one?" I actually tried to put things into perspective right in the moment. It helped some but my old self still sat there watching, enjoying the internal struggle.
My old self is so ingrained, so part of my life. My left hand works so well with my right hand. Now the left hand, the operated side, the new me, is more patient and gentle than what I was. The left side sees things much more positively than the right. My strong side still acts like nothing has happened but when both hands work together, the left always wins out.
My watch sits on my right hand these days to remind me to take care of my left side. My hair will remain short until I know I have changed for the long run. Life makes us better people and more wise. Cancer has made me a better person.

FALL SCHEDULE

November 17th chemo
October 27th chemo
October 24th Oncologist appointment
October 15th Muga scan (at nuclear medicine I had a heart function test)
October 14th Breast Cancer Group Session
October 7th Physio at Burnaby Hospital
October 6th chemo
October 6th Natural Pathologist appointment
September 15th chemo
September 11th Plastic surgeon appointment
September 9th Breast Cancer Group Session
September 4th Plastic surgeon appointment

Lots of Paint!

Anonymous:
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it.

My life has been very full working and getting ready to sell our home. I've decided to dive into life full speed. I'm adding a lot of paint onto my canvas and I'm feeling some fullfillment in that.

Do I have a free moment? No. With this rush of colour my life is still all good. My friends might not be too thrilled because I am busy with things for me and our family, but there will be a time for celebrating later. Is there a lot of stress? Oh, ya. I must carry on with my hopes and dreams, knowing that life is colourful, bright and completely covering the canvas.

Trying To Play Normal

For the last four weeks I have been trying to play "normal." It isn't working. There must not be a normal because I can't see it at the end of the tunnel. Actually, there is not tunnel.

I'm back to work juggling family, work and house. I'm not doing it well. Cancer continues to create into so many aspects of my life. I've heard about dealing with life after cancer. Well I am not yet "after" my cancer, but I am pretending it is already over. I have not yet been released from the cancer agency and handed over to my general practitioner. I still go to chemotherapy treatments but just think it is another medical appointment. I am living in so many ways like I don't have cancer. It isn't working. Now I am not being naive, nor ignoring my situation, I am simply moving on.

I cried at my son's Terry Fox run.

I think that we shouldn't buy a house because it would be hard to manage it without me there.

Cancer is still in my head.

Someone asked me how I was. I usually say, "Just fine." This time around I simply shrugged my shoulders. I don't know how I am doing - or is this what "normal" is?

Natural Selection

Just a bit more about products you use on your body.
In a 2004 study they found parabens in cancerous breast tissue, which suggests that they may be absorbed from personal-care products through the skin.
Parabens are chemical preservatives. They are the easiest to recognize because they generally appear under the name (usually with a prefix like "butyl," "ethyl," "methyl" or "propyl").
Phthalates are synthetic compounds in nail polishes, perfumes and personal-care products. They react with reproductive hormones to create favourable conditions for the growth of certain cancers. They can even be found in baby shampoos, lotions and creams. They are found under the term "perfume" or "fragrance" on the ingredient list. Try and go with the "unscented" label to help guarantee to unnecessary chemicals.
So now what? Trust certified organic products, not just organic. Ecocert is a certified label.
I haven't pursued this web page but you may be interested: www.cosmeticsdatabase.com. It is hosted by Environmental Working Group, a non-profit environmental research organization that lists up to 25,000 substances and their risks.

Genetic Testing

Wednesday, August 27th, 2008 I found out that I have no BRCA 1 and 2 genetic mutation. My mother tested negative 10 years ago and now I have been tested too.
The upside is that I have not passed on this mutation to my daughter. Since breast cancer is quite prevalent in my family, they think I do have a genetic mutation but none that they know about, as of yet. I probably don't need to get my ovaries taken out and I would be a good candidate for further testing if they learn about other mutations in the genetic make up.
She said I should call back in 2 years.